The Foreigner Once there was a man that came from Germany to America, He couldnt speak English so he went to choir and learned how to say "Me me me me me me." Then he went to the store and saw a little girl say "He stole my dolly" And on his way home he went to get meat from the butcher and learned how to say "Big butcher knife big butcher knife." Then he went home and watched an air freshener commercial and learned how to say "Plug it in Plug it in." Then he went to the store and there was a murder the police said "Who killed this man?" The foreigner said "Me me me me me me me." The police said "Why did you kill him?" And the man said "He stole my dolly." The police man said "What did you kill him with?" The man said "Big butcher knife big butcher knife." Then they took him to jail and sentenced him to death. The police man said "any last words?" And the foreigner said "Plug it in plug it in.
Q: What's the difference between a German and a shopping trolley? A: A shopping trolley has a mind of its own.
What do you call a funny German? Nothing, there isn't one
A bird, a fish and a crocodile are discussing vacations...
The bird says "Well, I can fly, my mom can fly, my dad can fly... so
it'll probably be a flying holiday"
The fish says "Obviously, I can swim, my mom can swim, hell my whole
family can swim... So my guess is Mediterranian this year"
The croc thinks about thinks about this and finally says:
"Well, I have a big mouth, my parents have a big mouth, my wife has a big
mouth, so I'm thinking... Germany..."
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
Norwegian catched a laughing fish
Norwegian police and drunk guy
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one jar.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."
Did you hear about the blonde that got excited? She finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months, when the box said, "two to four years."
A blonde walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the salesclerk. "Well, they feel a bit tight," replies the blonde. The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the blonde’s feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," offers the clerk. “Nath, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth,” the blonde replies.
Three nuns are talking. The first nun says, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines." "What did you do?" the other nun asks. "Well, of course I threw them in the trash." The second nun says, "Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!" "Oh my!" gasp the other nuns. "What did you do?" they ask. "I poked holes in all of them!" she replies. The third nun faints.
